Alone

An introverted person is often described as a person that is able to recharge by being alone and becomes drained when around a lot of people. This is, and has always been me. I love my alone time and am so uncomfortable being the center of attention. For those who don't know, getting married usually thrusts you into the center of attention for the better part of a year. Having just gotten married a few weeks ago it has been an exhausting year for me.  I am finally getting out of the spotlight, and I could not be happier. In fact, tonight, for the first time in ages, I went out by myself. It was a much needed break. 

My husband having to DJ a wedding tonight, left me at home with nothing to do. I considered calling up some friends that I haven't seen since the wedding, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I went shopping, then to dinner, followed by sitting in Starbucks with a cup of coffee. Oh, and then I went and wandered around Walmart for a few hours, all by myself. Most people would be horrified at this suggestion for a Saturday evening and yet, it is one of my favorite activities. I used to do this regularly, but in the last year I have had so many people and activities that I didn't have the luxury of spending an entire evening wandering around town alone. I had a chance to think, about nothing in particular. I didn't try to solve any problems or figure out what my husband and I would be doing with our lives over the next five years. I let my mind wander as did my feet. And I shared my wandering thoughts with God alone. 

"But now more than ever the word about Jesus spread abroad; 

many crowds would gather to hear him and to be cured of their 

diseases.  But he would withdraw to deserted places and pray." 

Luke 5:15-16

Nights like this remind me of Jesus when he would leave the crowds and go off on his own. Whether it was the dessert or a garden he often would just wander off. The disciples would worry, the people would wonder where he had gone. I'm sure some would try to follow him, but he needed time. Time alone, just him and his Father. I think deep down Jesus was an introvert. And yet crowds followed him.  More often than not he would devote his time to those crowds. The Bible has story after story of Jesus being surrounded by crowds and as much as he longs for that time alone with his creator he does not turn the crowds away. He makes time for God, himself, and God's people. 

God likes to make me uncomfortable. He often asks things of me that I would not normally be drawn to do. He is always stretching me and growing me outside of my comfort zone. And yet, he still gives me the nights when I can just wander off, just me and him. I love that. I love that the God of the universe knows me so well as to know when I need to wander. Just as he knows when I need to be challenged.  I serve an amazing, intimate God!